Gossip like its your job… at your job

      If there is anything people unanimously claim to hate(while also being guilty of the act)… it's gossip. I work with mostly women. At any given moment there are 10 staff members on my floor. The maximum amount that could be male… 2. Are the men excluded from this gossip? No! They are equally as guilty. And quite often, it seems, they are the center. The sad part is, that gossip can ruin even the most perfect job. It can make people miserable, adult bullying at its finest. With websites like TMZ and EOnline, The media makes us believe that its okay. It surly is not. We can go on and on about all of the reasons that gossip is wrong, but we all know that it is so lets skip that part. I've included tips from 2 different websites.

Here are some great tips from tinybuddha.com written by Shanti Sosienski -With comments from myself in green.

1. When you find yourself repeating a name over and over again in a story, stop after the second repeat (even if it’s a different story) and ask yourself how bringing this up is bettering the world. I love this tip, If it's negative... DROP IT!

2.  If you are repeating a story about someone, pause for a moment and take some time to think about that person. What is at the root of the problem there? Could you be so annoyed by it because it’s familiar to you and might be a practice you are guilty of, too? Take some time to think about the person. Could it be hurtful to them? Do you know their situation? Just to share, I had a lot of nasty rumors going around about me. I was a single mother with a 9 month old child. I went out every Saturday. My mother INSISTED on forcing me out of the house. She did not raise my child for me. I waited until he was asleep to go out and got home before he woke up. Yet, there were an annoying amount of regulars who gossiped about it. None of them knew the circumstances. Until one night, (while quite possibly slightly intoxicated) I got brave. I hate confrontation but with some liquid courage and finally having had enough, I told a particular gossip queen my story. She immediately apologized, for she had assumed I had abandoned my son frequently and that If she had seen me at the same place every Saturday.... I was probably just spending my other nights elsewhere. We've been more than cordial ever since. So, It just goes to show you that you can't assume things.

3. If you find that someone is constantly challenging your world in a way that doesn’t feel positive to you, can you remove that person from your life? If it’s your mother-in-law maybe not, but how can you work through or around this challenge? How can you ignore the issue. At work, this is hard to do. Can you forgive them? Gossip at work makes everyone uncomfortable. The person you are gossiping to, may be friends with the person you are gossiping about. Or they may just be uncomfortable with gossip.

4.  If this person is someone who is going to continue to be in your life for a very long time it’s important that you don’t let the stories become just that—stories. Tell them over and over and they morph and grow more fantastic with time. Look at what’s important in that moment, focus on that, and let the gossip roll away. Let's say that you are a supervisor in staffing meeting. And Sally called off 4 times this month. Don't go on about what she was probably doing, or that she wasn't really sick, or how much she annoys you. Stick to what's pertinent to the meeting. Address her attendance, and leave it at that.

5.  If you absolutely must talk about this person, give yourself a time limit. Look at a clock on the wall. Tell the story in 1-2 minutes. Wrap it up. Change the topic. This, I must disagree with. Are we such weak willed creatures that we "absolutely must" talk about another person in a negative/unflattering way? My tip # 5 would have to be "Discourage others from gossiping". Don't be an enabler. Tell them that you don't want to hear it, you can do it nicely!

Here is another list with some GREAT tips from ronedmondson.com from an article called "7 ways to stop gossip". These tips don't need any additives from me.

• Don’t repeat something you don’t know is true firsthand…secondhand knowledge is not enough to justify repeating. You will get something wrong and it will hurt others.
• Don’t repeat unless its helpful to do so and you have a vested interest in the situation, the people involved, and permission to share…doing so in the name of a prayer request is not a good excuse…
• Don’t “confess” other people’s sins. Even if the wrong included you and you feel the need to confess, share your story, but not someone else’s.
• If you must tell, and have passed the test on the first three suggestions, tell only what happened and not your commentary or “I think this is probably what happened” or why you think it happened…
• Choose to pray for others every time you are tempted to tell their story…instead of telling their story…
• When someone tells you something you don’t need to know, don’t allow curiosity to be your guide…follow your heart. Stop the person and tell them you don’t want to know! Remember, if they will spread gossip about others they will spread it about you!
• Keep the circle of confession limited to the people involved or to no more than needed for accountability purposes. The wider the circle and the more the story is repeated the more likely things will turn into gossip.

(Found this image on pinterest, Credit due to Love Hope & High Heels)

      I've been working hard at my job to stop my own gossip. I still have my problems... but not with gossip in general, but gossip involving specific people(2). If you noticed, I said "I still have MY problems". It's not that those 2 people are immensely huge screw ups (well, one is... but once again... stick to what's necessary), I try to keep things work related with them. We are all a work in progress... including others. Don't forget that. You are not the only one with a background story.